Thursday, January 17, 2013

There is so much JOY in this journey

It has been almost three months since I entered full-throttle into this new chapter of my life that requires me to devote myself more whole-heartedly to more personal art and creative endeavors. (Right now it's just fine art oil painting but it will also include sculpting and creating artisan jewelry). Though it's been incredibly challenging, I can't say I am doing anything less than feeling like I am living a dream of some kind.

I have always ALWAYS wanted to be a painter and more than any other kind of artist in the world. And I have always ALWAYS felt like I couldn't be that because what I was painting was merely rendering things and wasn't ever truly creating anything worth the paint and time I was using up in order to paint in the fist place. And while it's debatable that I am any good at all, well... I am not very hung up on that. This is because for the first time in my life I feel much more like a legitimate painter (and in turn serious visual artist) than I ever have before. I feel like I actually have a specific direction for the artwork that I am seeking to create and I am not just making the same thing over and over again or swiping other peoples' work by simply remaking what they very uniquely created to begin with leaving me with only a poor imitation of their truly phenomenal work.

I mean... like I said before - I am not trying to say that I am some acclaimed artist or anything worth my salts (or rather my paints) but I finally don't feel so hung up on the whole business of whether I am good or not. And even if someone thinks I am not good? Eh... I am not hung up on that either because I feel like by painting and sharing it, I am doing what I have been called to do which is really what is validating me more than any priceless masterpiece I might ever create or not.

The beginnings (in sequential order) of a piece I am currently working on.

 I have been painting since early 2000s but I always knew I was never quite that good while I was doing it. People would see what I did and they would appreciate it but I always knew that they agreed with me that what I was doing wasn't all that noteworthy. Looking back I can evaluate what I was doing and say outright that my work lacked confidence and direction and also what I was painting? It was obviously indicative of the fact that I was trying to paint for the sake of painting and I wasn't saying much with what I was painting but I also didn't know what to say. I was just sort of painting for the purpose of hoping that I would turn out something decent and worthy of praise at some point but I had no idea how I could be a little more intentional.

None of the aforementioned applied anymore though. Why? Because I have made a more concerted effort to do something more than be simply self-taught and an enthusiast of the art of (and from) the act of painting. Now, don't take this like me bashing self-taught artists. That's not what this is at all. I mean, for as much as I struggled during my self-taught years but still continued to paint despite it, well... being self-taught (and thus a little bit unknowing about the importance of being something more than simply self-taught) helped me to explore a territory and offered me plenty of mistakes to experience so I would be able to understand the importance of more formal training - that which I now have at this point in my life!

Some more sequential images via my instagram feed. It's a work in progress but I feel like it's working out enough to show progress better than most any kind of artwork I have ever done before!!!
Definitely, I learned plenty during my time of being self-taught painter but I have to say that what I learned in that time can be summed up mostly by saying this: I definitely didn't know very much or at least what I knew didn't help me to do and (visually) say what I really wanted to. I mean, I still have plenty to learn about and to prove that I know a thing or two about (as evidenced by the most recent image of the state of my painting as seen below) but I can't help but feel like I have already come so far even though I know I still have many miles to go.

Added lighter values and warm colors back in after darkening almost the entire canvas in an effort to correct value issues.

I might never sell a painting in my life and I might never make it into a gallery of any kind. But you know what? That's not my point in being a painter and a visual artist anyway. I am doing what I am doing because I feel truly called to do it and with every mark of my brush, with every canvas that I "dirty" with paint, I feel like I am answering that calling and that gives me greater joy than anything I might ever have for all of the rest of my years on earth.

1 comment:

  1. I know EXACTLY how you feel and have been SOOOO inspired by your recent burst of painting inspiration and confidence.... Hopeful that the Lord can stir up the same within me! Thank you for being so honest & vulnerable about your journey and growth!


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