The girl

It's been a while since I've done any masks. Here is one I finished up today for the visual thinking project I was assigned for a supplemental art course for my grad studies track. The assignment was to listen to a song and then use what you heard, felt, sensed (of the music) to inform the design and fabrication of a piece of artwork. There were very few limitations on the finished piece other than that it couldn't exceed a certain size. I went with the approach of putting my design idea on a mask form because I just always do better with a three dimensional surface.

The song I used to inform my design was by City and Colour and it's called The Girl. You can listen to it if you want to by clicking on the embedded link or you can just take my word for it and know that the song is very much of a Plain White Tee's "Hey there, Delilah" vibe (well, the slower ballad-y version at least).

The inspiration for my design also originated from someone I know as the song is also one they have said they like and have listened to enough recently. I guess it's a little bit of a visual depiction of how they have presented themselves and how I understand them to be.  The subject is female and right now she is going through a very challenging time in her life that I know can/will provide her with significant growth so long as she doesn't fight it. Still, she is not really in a good place and she hasn't been in quite a while. The difference between now and every other time though? She is finally willing to be authentically herself rather than a facade of what she wishes she would have been to begin with.

This mask is definitely a departure from the theme of my original collective even though I think it could sort of fit into it if I wanted to. I don't know though. I would have wanted to put a lot more time and energy into it and used different materials and spend a lot more time doing something very cleanly executed. My original idea was to do a Jonathan Adler inspired pattern and even though I did draw from something I saw of his, it is hardly worthy to be called even inspired by him because of how messy it is.

Anyway, this is my latest endeavor in my personal work. It's been so long since I've done anything on that note so it felt good to be able to do it.

Thoughts on graduate study

As I mentioned in my last posting, I have been busy gathering everything needed to complete an application to a grad school program in Art Education. The school was the University of Florida and just to satisfy any curiosities of the admissions decision: I didn't get in.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm bummed about this. But I'm also really really confused about what happened to yield this because to start with I had real reservations with applying to the program to begin with based upon the very non-traditional career and academic path I've taken to have the position I currently have in Art Education. Because my current degree is NOT in the fine arts or art education, I'm always immediately disqualified from applying to most all art education graduate programs. U of F is the first program that claimed my nontraditional status would not count against me. The admissions advisor in addition to numerous members of the faculty of the program (to whom I spoke with pretty directly before finally filing my application) all assured me that I should be confident that I was a very solid candidate for this program - I have half a decade of teaching experience (at this point) of traditional classroom teaching, coursework in education on both the undergrad and graduate level (though not enough to satisfy full degree requirements), I have written my own curriculum to standards that have been highly regarded by administrators I've reported to - who are now incidentally working at an administrative level overseeing entire school districts, I've actively maintained and devoted time to a body of work that isn't just for the sack of making art for the sake of art. I could honestly go on and on honestly. But what it boils down to is that none of it was enough and so it only leaves me with the question of what would have been enough then. 

I've already called and emailed my admissions advisor in an attempt to gain the answers to all of the questions I have. Granted, I only applied to this one program and the answer could be that I missed admission by just a hair because I needed one more "vote" from the committee OR there just wasn't room enough for me (but then wouldn't I have been wait listed?) for this next round of the grad class but I just don't know. Honestly, though, I believe that what has ultimately held me back was my personal portfolio of artwork - most specifically: the masks. 

The masks that I've made and continue to work on have been things that I've understood as controversial. They make statements about denominations and practices of faith that are difficult for people to both see and hear. Whether this is because what I've said/shown are true or not? Truth is not up for debate. It's just the fact  that I've said/shown what I have and I have to wonder if the offense that people may have felt is ultimately what barred me from admissions. Being offended is something that is not easily overcome and if someone was offended by the work I presented, well, they wouldn't be able to so soon forget it that they would be clamoring to endorse and support my application for admission.

I really did debate whether or not I should submit those masks. I mean, I don't know if that's what stood in the way of my admissions but I have a gut feeling that they were surely a major part of the denial for admission I received. Still? I feel like it's not a decision I want to regret or apologize for. From my own studies of scripture and following of faith, I've always known that any time I draw in my own assertions of faith and religion, I WILL be subject to rejection and denial. Christ himself was rejected and denied and any support of Him is always something I know will be a point of contention. And I definitely was far from doing anything less than asserting myself as a Christian fine artist and art educator in my application of admission to a  program that was most certainly secular more than anything else. 

Well. What can you do. Of rather, what can I do at this point. As I said, I'm not inclined to apologize or regret or deny the stance that I took. I stand by it and I refuse to compromise it even in the slightest just so I can be accepted by anyone else. I don't want just anyone else's approval and I'm not sacrificing my own personal integrity of faith especially to attain it. I'm committed to going where God directs me and if U of F is not where it is? Well it gives me that much greater wisdom and knowledge and confidence of where I should be going instead.

Can't we all just get along?

You may say I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one

I hope someday you will join us

And the world will be as one

[lyrics from John Lennon's "Imagine"]

It would be awfully nice if it really were so easy to just cover our eyes and make a wish so that everything would fall perfectly into place, wouldn't it?

Everything and nothing. All at the same time.

There must be more to life...

than having everything.

-Maurice Sendak

I can't string together a coherent explanation for this one because it just screams excess to me.  That's the whole point to begin with though so I guess the point has been made.

Note: No fifty dollar bills were harmed or damaged for this mask. (Meaning the money isn't as real as it might appear.)

Lost in stars and tea leaves

You cannot depend on your eyes...

when your imagination is out of focus.

-Mark Twain

Dreams are powerful things.  They are the things that have driven so many needed changes that happen here in this world.  Just the same, they can be very dangerous.  It is in dreams that anything can happen and it's easy to give in to the temptation of existing in a world that is only of imagination.  As quickly 

as a dream can be wonderful, it can also turn into a nightmare.  And because it seems so real, it's easy to believe that what is happening will be neverending and imprison you.

Practice what you preach

Two more masks down, two more to go - one of which I cannot even begin to understand how I'm going to make happen.  You'd think two completed would be enough, right?  Well... it's not.  Like too many times in life, I want more.  I WANT MORE.

*SIGH of (near) defeat*

I'm getting to the point I knew was coming when the only solution for a major design issue is divine intervention alone.  This point isn't anything like what I anticipated it to be.  It's worse.

At the bottom of my work email, I have the following quote in the signature line...

"Pray the unthinkable.  Attempt the impossible."

I can't remember where the quote originated but I believe it was from a book I recently finished by Mark Batterson called "In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day."  For all intents and purposes, it's a Christian-based motivational and self-help book.  I mean, I'm sure Mr. Batterson could argue against such a conclusion but I'm trying to put his amazing piece of literature in the simplest terms possible - especially with regard to nonbelievers.

I've been doing these masks for so long they've become a part of me.  When people ask me about my work, mask making is the first thing I think about.  If people ask me about how I would create a piece to illuminate x, y, or z subject matter, I immediately go to how it would be interpreted in mask form.  *shrug* I don't know what to do with myself?  I mean, there's definitely some reason (I don't understand) that I'm so compelled to make them but at the same time, I'm not trying to be "that Christian artist who makes the masks."  Still... if that's what the Lord wants me to do right now?  That's the only thing I can and will be able to do.

I have railed against God's calling to me for too much of my life and the one thing I know for sure - no matter how stubborn and bullheaded I definitely am -  is that I cannot do it without the will of God.  I've got to be doing what He wants me to do.  I must be committed to doing whatever He commands even if it feels impossible and appears insurmountable.  And whatever I do in Him will be so but I have to be willing to have faith in Him and truly act in it.  My actions need to be indicative of belief in His ability to be within me and all I do.

My goal with these masks is to create something that blows people away and gives them a tangible illustration of the Lord's almighty power.  Others are called to minister with their words and services but I know I am called to minister by creating art that glorifies Him.

Old habits. Die hard.

It's true what they say...

You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

I feel sorry for people who live their lives looking through eyes that are only willing to see things in one color and of one way.  If God truly created each of us in His own likeness and it's obvious that each and every one of us are unique in how we look, talk, act, dress, etc.... why is there so much judgement in the world of things that honestly don't matter?  People who live and breathe to condemn others based upon things that cannot be helped are doing anything but living.  The hatred that stirs and brews inside of them eats them from the inside out and every day that they believe they are living well, they are actually decaying themselves.  It's like a death wish or the worst kind of cancer you could never imagine because it's the kind that you don't know is killing you.

So young and unknowing

O be careful little eyes what you see

O be careful little eyes what you see

There's a Father up above

And He's looking down in love

So, be careful little eyes what you see

O be careful little ears what you hear

O be careful little ears what you hear

There's a Father up above

And He's looking down in love

So, be careful little ears what you hear

O be careful little hands what you do

O be careful little hands what you do

There's a Father up above

And He's looking down in love

So, be careful little hands what you do

O be careful little feet where you go

O be careful little feet where you go

There's a Father up above

And He's looking down in love

So, be careful little feet where you go

O be careful little mouth what you say

O be careful little mouth what you say

There's a Father up above

And He's looking down in love

So, be careful little mouth what you say

There is nothing more exciting to me than a person who has discovered and starts to embrace a belief in God.    Their eyes, ears, and hearts are wide open and open to everything and anything that will help them be as close to God as possible. (I remember being in this stage myself and it was so exciting.)  The efforts that come from  a new believer - someone who has been so recently reborn of Christ - are so earnest.  They are willing to do just about anything to get closer and be closer to God.  Ultimately though, too many of them miss the mark with their efforts and they end up sprinting down paths that they feel like they should walk only to be reeled back in by the very thing that inspired them to begin with.  They start seeing God in everything and in turn study the wrong types of doctrines, listen to the wrong sermons, and act and speak in ways that are just plain wrong. But here's the thing: they can't help it.  At least not yet.

You who cast the first stone

This was one of my least favorites of the bunch and the most recent one I finished.  And now that it's done, I almost hate to look at it and feel how cold and harsh it is.  But that was my intention when I even planned this one so I should be rejoicing about the fact that I achieved such an effect, right?  This type of person does nothing but steal joy from others only to replace it with their own judgments and condemnation.  You can't see it well in the picture but in the eye sockets, I placed big giant diamond-like stones.  The diamonds are representative of how cold and hard their vision is of everything they see.  Even cursory glances from them can pierce and cut.

I can't even explain any more of this one.  I'm sure there are redeeming elements of this type of person but I doubt that (in real life) they will even see those things of themselves.

More will never be enough

Information is not knowledge.

Knowledge is not wisdom.

Wisdom is not truth.

(the aforementioned by Frank Zappa)

But truth can bring hope.

Hope can inspire faith.

Faith can bring love.

And love can and will conquer all.

(If only you let it!)

It doesn't matter how many books you read because if you aren't reading and believing in the holiest of all, you might as well set fire to everything else you're reading since all of it will end up burning you anyway.

Handle with care

... and create with caution.

I suppose this is a bit of a self-portrait.  I've always been told that I'm wise beyond my years and I know that if my life experiences could be represented visually, I'd make even some of the oldest trees look as if they hadn't been around long enough.  I feel as if I've lived through droughts and floods and even survived threats of being stripped from the very places I wanted to root myself to.  And through it all, I'm still here.  And in large part, it's due to my inability to do anything but create and just get paint everywhere.

I'm so compelled to create but it's something that will always be a bit of a double-edged sword for me.  It always cuts me in two ways: one that can really be painful at times and another way that helps me to gradually whittle away so many things in my life that have brought me nothing but trouble.

Lookin' for love in all the wrong places

Well, I spent a lifetime lookin' for you

Single bars and good time lovers were never true

Playin' a fools game, hopin' to win

Tellin' those sweet lies and losin' again

I was lookin' for love in all the wrong places

Lookin' for love in too many faces

Searchin' their eyes, lookin' for traces

Of what I'm dreamin' of

Hopin' to find a friend and a lover

I'll bless the day I discover

Another heart lookin' for love

And I was alone then, no love in site

I did everything I could to get me through the night

I don''t know where it started or where it might end

I'd turn to a stranger just like a friend

'Cause I was lookin' for love

In all the wrong places

Lookin' for love in too many faces

Searchin' their eyes, lookin' for traces

Of what I'm dreamin' of

Hopin' to find a friend and a lover

I'll bless the day I discover

Another heart lookin' for love

(lyrics from Johnny Lee)

The puffiness around the eyes was completely unintentional but so appropriate for what this one stands for.  The way they put themselves out there time and time again.  Every time they compromise what they said they would not do every again for anyone or anything but still, they can't stop themselves.  Why?  Because the very thing they lack within themselves (LOVE) is the absolute thing they cannot stop themselves from seeking out because they know it's out there somehow and somewhere just waiting to be found.  Still, it doesn't make the heartbreak they are forced to endure over and again any less painful or those nights they spend full of wanderings and wishes any less long and late.

Take the bad with the good

Take the good with the bad...

smile with the sad,

love what you've got and remember all you've had,

always forgive and never forget,

learn from your mistakes but never regret.

Not sure how to explain my inspiration behind this one.  It's an illustration of too many people I've come to know whose lives just continue to unravel despite all they do to keep and hold things together; they become almost outfitted in their own pain.  And (too often) their only deliverance from the pain that exists in their lives are things that make them merely numb to it all.  If they would only learn to deal with it all so that they could separate and extract themselves from everything that hurts them, they would find the peace they seek so desperately.

Of faith and will

Yesterday was kind of monumental for me and my studio art endeavors.

I have been feeling kind of blocked/stalled with working on the masks and I haven't been able to put my finger on what the issue is.  I think the time has finally arrived that happens with all of my projects: a crossroads of  deciding to either 1) push myself beyond a block of boredom and/or frustration OR 2) quit a project and abandon it all together.

It's not uncommon for me to be unfocused.  My attention and focus naturally shifts and sometime I can hardly help it.  I have my own theories of why this kind of thing exists but I think that I legitimately might have some form of ADD.  For this reason, I start and stop projects and quit endeavors left and right.

This mask project is something I'm trying to complete for a much larger purpose though.  I'm trying to create a statement and illustration of faith and how it plays itself out.  I'm trying to use my visual perspective to show how Christ fits into any person's life and their walk in faith - no matter how different they are from everyone else and no matter where they come from.

*sigh*

I'm committed to being a Christian artist and changing the face of Christian art.  The world doesn't need any more pictures of lambs, doves flying around carrying willow branches, or Jesus wearing "pretty" robes and walking around barefoot while holding hands with and/or carrying a bunch of children.  In my own experience,  walks in and of faith are a lot more than idealistic imagery and being saved and committing yourself happens when you're feeling much more like you're living in hell itself than in any other place.  Hell doesn't have pretty little lambs and snow white doves and squeaky clean kids certainly aren't hanging around in the fiery pits of hell telling stories with Jesus.  Real life and real faith and real deliverance just aren't like that to me or in my experience.

Is it Monday yet?

Tonight I took a studio night. This means I stay after work and use the time to work on my own personal art endeavors. I've got a studio at home but it's about 1/8th of the size of my classroom and not even close to as well stocked with the odds and ends I always end up needing. So... it just works best if I stay here a little longer.

Honestly thought?  It's very much a place I would want to be every minute of every hour of every day if I could help it. But, as God knows best, I'm terrible with decision making when it comes to what I should do with my time and so He's given me a wonderful husband and family that I not only need to be with but want to be with.

Still, I can't help but relish in having studio time when my schedule allows. Normally it happens on Monday nights but next Monday it can't happen so I finagled tonight instead.

*sigh*

What can I say?

Being in the studio will ALWAYS be home sweet home to me...

(Here's one of the big flat drawers that I've claimed for myself.  I'm aware of how much it needs a good straightening, cleaning, and organizing.  But I never said I was a good housekeeper now did I?.)

One way to kill a snake

Things that happened today with the masks...

• Applied the "tattoo" and affixed the faux dog tags => officially completed
• Attached the curtain rod, fashioned the drapery/curtains, hung the curtains, and constructed the cork finials => unofficially completed
• Opened my storage drawer and accidentally tore the "serpent's" head mostly off.  Scoffed at myself and then smooshed the head back on leaving a slightly noticeable seam => *Grrrrrrrrrr*
• Sculpted and attached the bird beak => 10th mask officially started

I'm having a really hard time with the whole project at this point.  It's taking everything I have to not just push myself through it and call it done.  I can't do this though because I know my craftsmanship overall will really suffer and I cannot CAN. NOT. let that happen.  This project is too important to let that happen.

Tomorrow is supposed to be a "grading" day.  I will definitely be doing some grading/entering of grades but I'm also going to be doing other not fun stuff:

1. Taking down and rehanging the student gallery displays
2. Making name plates and name tents
3. Figuring out exactly what to do about the 10th and 11th masks
4. Talking to the school's resident construction whiz about the best display options for the masks AND the best way to start on my next project (an interactive sculpture that uses a water pump that will be stopped and started via a push button)
5. Working on my application artist statement, teaching philosophy, narrative about my journey as a professional artist, and C.V.

[86 number four.  I just remembered.  He's taking a personal day.]

Perhaps if I actually got to sleep at a decent hour I would be much less fussy about working on the masks. [I did NOT say something negative about the masks just now.  But I really had to try not to.]

I've just about lost count at this point

My current personal big project is driving me crazy.  My deadline for finishing it isn't until March 1st at the very latest but I really want it to be done yesterday.  I have to make a collective of 11 total masks and then one very large one - so, 12 total.  I might have finished this one today (this is a picture of it when I started it)...

... however, I can't help but look at it (like I said, the above isn't what it looks like now) and feel like it still needs something more.  *sigh*

I have at least two others that are finished and then seven ones that are in various stages of completion.  I have two more that still have yet to be started because I keep changing my mind of what they should look like.  I think I figured out one of them but it might easily be the most difficult of all (of the small ones at least).  The 11th one?  I'm kind of stuck on it.

But I just want to be doneDoneDONEEEEEEE!!!!  And this is because I have another art project that I'd rather be doing.

Story of my life.  Story of my life. *pffffffffffffftt*

Student Project: Inside-Out Masks

One of my favorite projects I do with my 3D students is making masks.  We start with a blank mask as a canvas and then build upon it's three-dimensional surface.  (Since we start with a ready-made mask, I guess we're doing more mask embellishing than making but it's a small detail I don't care to correct but just this once.)

The mask project wasn't my idea.  Before I came to the school, the teachers before me did it.  Upon their exit, they gave me the yearly rundown and I was intrigued by the masks more than any of the other projects.  I spent hours preparing for how I would carry out the lesson and as it has turned out, they are one of the legendary projects that every student at my school either wishes they had been able to make OR can't wait to make themselves.  Apparently, before me, the mask making extended very little beyond just painting the surface and maybe doing some very light relief sculpturing.  When I researched and prepared my lesson plans I found all kinds of inspiration and thought it was completely natural to bring in other elements, textures, and otherwise non-traditional materials.  The masks have become the ultimate in mixed media 3D art work.

Last year I gave my students very little direction.  I showed them a few examples, we discussed a few options/paths they could take, and then I just let them go.

I think you would agree that what they turned out was reasonably good.

And now here's just a sampling of what my students turned out for this semester - Fall 2010.  [Please note: Not all work I share here will be my work but I will ALWAYS indicate what I've created and what comes from someone/somewhere else.]

This semester was the first one where I gave my class a little more specific direction for what they were to do.  Normally I just show them some examples, we discuss options/paths that they can take, and I just turn them loose.  This semester I thought it would be both an interesting and invaluable experience if they used the creative process of the project to do a little self-exploration and introspection.

The name of the project was "Inside-Out Masks" and the idea was to create a visual representation of the things that we naturally conceal from others OR things that exist inside of us that aren't easily noticed.  The interiors of the masks (so, the faces that we wear everyday) featured designs as well but they were much less  complex and dimensional as they were really just their names written in decorative/stylized ways.  Since their names were used as central parts of the interiors I am not sharing them.

The creative journey of the mask started with an intensive planning process that included the following:

• Viewing a Nooma video by Rob Bell called "Name"
• Discussion guided by Essential questioning
• Group prayer
• Individual prayer
• Silent individual reflection including prayer and doodling/sketching/thumbnail creation of ideas
• Responding to questions intended to help provide a detailed inventory of what is/isn't important to each individuals (Ex. What brings you joy? What scares you more than anything in the world?)
• Completing sentence starters using information drawn from questions (ex. I am ________.)
• Creating 2D mock-ups/rough sketches of at least (4) possible designs that specifically focused on depicting objective ideas in non-objective/abstract ways and using the less obvious symbols to convey specific messages
• Mask fabrication using mixed media materials that include (but are not limited to) the following: Plaster tape, fibers/cloth, Acrylic Paint, white glue and hot glue, organic materials (feathers, sand, etc.), white Crayola Model Magic, 14 gauge aluminum wire, various weights of paper, plastic sheeting (Dura-lar) 

Something important and significant to note is this: The class that created the masks featured in the slideshow above are NOT advanced visual art students.  I have an odd assortment of students who have a wide range of abilities and understandings of visual art.  The majority of the students in this semester's class fell in one or more of the following categories:

• Little to no previous experience in Visual Arts (this 3D class is actually one of our foundational courses)
• Top-performing/star student athlete
• Struggles with traditional classroom academia and has diagnosed learning challenges
• Commonly a classroom management issue in other classes
• A male (I mention this because 75% of the class was male and this was unusual for me, usually it's much more evenly distributed male-to-female)
• An ESOL student

I'll do these masks again. They take a long time to do to achieve the second set of results (one week of careful planning, two weeks of fabrication) but it's hard to look at what the students turned out and say that it was all done in vain.  And it was a wonderful thing to start a project and "interrupt" their busy days with  prayer and serious self-analysis.  I feel like the "proof's in the pudding" based on what they turned out with the prayer compared to the ones where I just let them loose.  And it only compels me to use prayer a lot more often in my own work.

As one of my recently graduated students of Graphic Design likes to say...

"When GOD is GLORIFIED, we are SATISFIED, and the world is EVANGELIZED."

What better way to glorify Him and evangelize than with Visual art!