This is why I paint and why I should be painting a lot more often

This weekend provided the first opportunities in months for me to really invest some time and paint in my home studio. Here are the fruits of my labor...

Both were done in Gamblin oils on stretched canvases that are 36x36 in size. Both are completely original works for me and this is a huge first for me. Both were also done - start to finish - within less than 48 hours of time. I have no titles for them yet but I am working on that. The inspiration for the subject matter should be obvious enough but largely it is informed by my Christian beliefs and experiences so far in my life.

Before this last weekend, I would readily admit the fact that I don't paint as often as I should but my reasons for not doing so were not very clear. Obviously I have very little time to paint but after this weekend it's completely evident to me that a tremendous amount of time isn't a major factor when it comes to me producing works of art that are reasonably noteworthy. The real truth of why I don't paint more often I think is much more that I don't trust or believe in myself and my abilities or visions fully or even partially. So when I don't paint? This is me just reaffirming (in action) my lack of belief in myself as a visual artist. 

In extension from the above, painting is also something that - when I do it, like, really fully invest myself - is when I feel closest to God. Seriously. There is no other experience that I have ever had in all of my life where I feel more close to God than when I am covered in oily paints and brushing color on surfaces at the easel. I'm not sure why this is but I suspect it is because I firmly believe that the Lord God is the ultimate creator from which creativity and creation originally began and so when I am seeking to imitate Him, that's when I feel the most like I am (essentially) in an apprenticeship with Him alone. 

No matter what I might ever present here on my website, there are very few things I am certain or confident about...

• Whether my personal studies and finished works in visual art are actually any good
• If I am good and/or how good I am at teaching art

I am learning to be certain of one sure thing though and it's that I want to be closer to God more than I want to be apart from Him and that could be the very reason why painting makes me feel the way it does and why I should be doing it way more often than I do. While this truth has been slow coming, I really really am getting it finally and I know this will really transform me not only as a teacher of visual art but even more as a working visual artist.