Selfish prayers & Abundant blessings

Last Thursday, an amazingly unexpected act of mercy, peace, and grace happened that made my school look like this...

The hallways cleared out in addition to nearly every classroom. Why? Because something happened that broke the plumbing and left the school without running water. Per the county, when something like this happens, the school has no choice but to dismiss everyone from the campus.

This major event happened right after weekly assembly (where the whole student body gathers to be updated on upcoming doings and happenings) and I was covering lunch duty for a colleague of mine who so graciously covered my lunch duty the day before. The dining hall was buzzing with excited whispers that we might be getting ready to be dismissed early. (This event has occurred frequently enough in the past that when the plumbing breaks, we all know that we will get a break too!)

Some of my students had just asked me if they could get special permission to walk out to the soccer fields to use the port-a-potties...

And another group of students were desperate to try and weasel the REAL word from me about whether or not we were going to be dismissed or not. Truth be told, I am usually the first to know a lot of things (because I hear so much student conversation in the art rooms) but when it comes to things that most faculty might know? I am usually out of the loop! As the students insisted that I (somehow) knew something and wasn't telling them I INSISTED that we pray about it and I led the students in possibly the most self-centered prayer ever that outright asked that school be cancelled and as soon as humanly possible. Why? Because as life has happened (not just for me) but also some of my students, things have been very trying, challenging, and an unexpected opportunity for respite is a very welcome thing.

To make an already long story even longer, school was dismissed and here I sit all by my lonesome trying to not only line up blog postings for (what is now) this week but also catch up on graduate school work and prepare for other such things not related to school and work.

Lately I have come to the real truth that I absolutely cannot do it all. Things of life are breaking me at the knees so I can't even kneel to pray for mercy and I am instead having to lay myself out prostrate in submission (and just as much shame) that I can't do it all and I shouldn't make it out like I can.

Just before dismissal one of very good friends from work sent me the (see left image) text message. Normally I would jump at the opportunity to do something like what she suggested but lately? I can't. It's not even possible for me to look at all of it and even endeavor to imagine that I can do it by myself.

And? That's the key right there. I can't do it. (I can't do it!) BUT, I WILL DO IT under the mercy of the Lord Jesus Christ. I CAN and I WILL do it not by myself but with Christ's blessing, provisions, wisdom, preservation, and redeeming grace.

Someday I am going to look back on this particular time in my life and understand what it was all worth. In the midst of it though, it IS true what they say about being in the trees. I totally cannot see the forest and I feel lost on any given day. However, on those days and in those moments when I really don't want to feel lost anymore, I remember that I can always call out to be lifted up by Christ and no matter how selfish my prayers are, He will even answer those.